Category: Jokes

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION SCHEDULE

Got this today and thought it was worth sharing a giggle. -Matt
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REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION SCHEDULE
New York, NY

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on ‘Are Elections Really Necessary?’
7:30 PM Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 PM Trent Lott – ‘Re-segregation in the 21st Century’
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings ‘Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man’
9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on ‘Why Women Shouldn’t Be Leaders’
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark ‘deer in headlights’ stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM GOP’s Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice
10:46 PM Ann Coulter’s Tribute to ‘Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot’
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Newt Gingrich speaks on ‘The Sanctity of Marriage’
11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord