Mixed Feelings

Dear friends who keep telling me ‘Congratulations‘, I do appreciate it but please realize that isn’t what I ‘need’ right now. To be honest with you, I’m more in the mood where I’d rather hear ‘Sorry you’re leaving‘ or even just ‘I know this is a hard time for you and just wanted to let you know that I’m wishing you well‘.

While I am excited about my new job, our new life in a new community etc,  right now it’s hard to see past the gloom and doom of leaving 13.5+ years of friends and community, spending way too much fixing up our house just to sell it, finding a rental home in a place we don’t know that will take 4 cats, 2 dogs and 2 kids that’s big enough for our stuff (and that’s near a good school district). Oy, even just writing that all out is depressing and scary.

We’re trying not to stress on the ‘OMG how can we afford this? What if our house doesn’t sell quickly? What if … ‘ angle of things and just hope that it’s a ‘Jump and the net will appear’ kind of moment. Net or not, we’ve already jumped (or perhaps a better metaphor here would be we were pushed) so… here’s hoping for a net, or at least a soft crash landing.

So when you bump into me and I’m not immediately perky and excited about chatting about where we’re moving to and the new job, I apologize, I know you mean well and that it’s easier to talk about ‘good stuff’ like new jobs & bright futures than it is to talk about the sad and the scary.

Sorry if I seem ‘glass half empty’ about things right now. I have been doing my best to push myself 180 degrees and smile and say thanks and talk about what I’m excited about, but I’m way too open about my feelings with friends to do that for too long. That’s just where my heart is these days so thus, certainly with friends, I don’t feel the need to put on a happy mask and not let you know what I’m really feeling.

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