Archive | August, 2005

Too funny

By on 8/29/2005 in Jokes

Christian just pointed me to this link and I almost fell out of my chair laughing

A comparison

hee hee hee

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So there were these two horses named Moe & Joe

By on 8/27/2005 in Jokes

I just searched around on the net and I couldn’t find ANYONE else posting the old joke about two horses named Moe & Joe. This stupid mostly unfunny run-on joke was a staple in the YRUU circles I traversed in the mid 80′s and I can’t believe it’s not on the net anywhere. So in an effort to at least get a draft of the pieces I remember of it, here goes. I welcome edits from those of you who might remember parts I’ve forgotten or mangled (I suspect the last time I heard it was in 1987, so 19 years of faded memories adds up). Note – The for granting credit where it’s due the best telling of this joke at a conference coffee house goes to Mr. Brian Jenkins who at YRUU week on Star Island in 1986 literally made everyone sit through about 20 minutes of telling before even getting close to the punch line. Straight faced and determined throughout the whole telling, ignoring heckling calls and various escalating threats from the audience, he kept going. I believe we finally threw him in the ocean as punishment. :)

So there were these two horses named Moe & Joe. Moe & Joe were brothers and they were pretty close, they were like two peas in a pod, two seeds in a joint, two fish in the sea… they were like THIS (hold pointer and ring finger out twisted together).. and that’s pretty hard for two horses to be.

So the the local village has a gathering one year and some of the farmers decide to have a horse race. Moe and Joe both enter. The race starts and Moe & Joe zoom off leading the pack. It’s Moe in the lead, then Joe, then Moe, Joe, Moe, Joe, Moe, Joe.. MOE… Moe wins the race by a nose!

Then a little while after that the county fair comes round and Moe & Joe enter that race. The race starts and Moe & Joe zoom off leading the pack. It’s Moe in the lead, then Joe, then Moe, Joe, Moe, Joe, Moe, Joe.. MOE… Moe wins the race by a nose!

After the race Joe walks over to Moe and says ‘Moe, you’ve always been faster, but I have a favor to ask, just once I’d like to see what it’s like to win a race. Can you let me win the next race? I’d be forever grateful.’

Moe says ‘Why of course Joe, the next race, you win, after all you’re my brother and we’re pretty close, we’re like two peas in a pod, two seeds in a joint, two fish in the sea, we are like THIS (hold pointer and ring finger out twisted together).. and that’s pretty hard for two horses to be.”

So the Tri-County Horse Race comes around a little while after that and of course both Moe and Joe enter the race. The race starts and Moe & Joe zoom off leading the pack. It’s Moe in the lead, then Joe, then Moe, Joe, Moe, Joe, Moe, Joe.. MOE… Moe wins the race by a nose!

After the race Joe trots over to Moe and says ‘Moe! What happened? You said you were going to let me win the race? I thought we had agreed on this, why did you win that race?”

Moe said ‘I’m sorry Joe, I just got caught up in the moment, it won’t happen again, the next race, you win, after all you’re my brother and we’re pretty close, we’re like two peas in a pod, two seeds in a joint, two fish in the sea, we are like THIS (hold pointer and ring finger out twisted together).. and that’s pretty hard for two horses to be.

So the State Quarter-finals race comes around and Moe & Joe both enter.

[Repeat the past race and results and discussion afterwards for a bunch of races finally getting to the kentucky derby or some big race which has the same results, Moe wins and Joe confronts him]

Then a dog walks up and says to Moe & Joe ‘Let me get this straight, you two are brothers and … ” (repeat entire joke so far again in the dogs recap of the joke).

In response Joe turns to Moe and says ‘Look Moe, A Talking Dog”

The end.

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Homophobia memeage

By on 8/9/2005 in meme

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

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