How to be the worst Community Manager Ever – A guide for Antioch College Community Government managers, or for those about to run. This was last revised when it published in the Record in either Fall ’97 or Winter ’98. I’m quite proud of this document.
Just about every point in here I saw done by some CM’s (sometimes even me) or ComCil members between Fall ’91 – Fall ’97. It’s funny, and just a little bit too true 🙂 The truth hurts. Since I’m out of touch with Antioch’s community now there isn’t much else I can write about this issue, but if anyone has any suggestions, let me know. I’d love to hear from other current or former Community Managers about this.
How To Be The WORST Community Managers Ever!
Running for Office
* Run a negative campaign. Post signs on campus quoting anything your opponents have said that might be mis-interpreted…or heck, make stuff up, the odds of anyone hearing your oponent deny it are close to nil, even if they announce it in community meeting.
* Verbally attack your opponents at the community meeting after they speak. Don’t state any of your own iddeas, just bash theirs.
* Get friends of yours to be on the election committee. Offer to take them to the Winds if you get elected. Get ComCil to change the elections process weeks before the election happens so people get confused on how the voting system works. Maybe the error will be in your favor! If it isn’t, change your mind and claim that the elections process was changed in mid-stream and the community wasn’t adequately informed, therefore all the elections are invalid!
* Get a friend to run a ballot box, make sure they abandon it for a good 10 minutes in a public space like the mailroom. If you don’t win, demand a revote and get witnesses to point out the ballot box was left unattended. If you win, get witnesses to claim the boxes were watched closely at all times.
* Come up with a great plan on how your going to fix everything in CG. Ignore everything the current CM’s or previous CM’s have done, instead rebuild it from scratch. Be sure to point out all the faults with the current CMs in all public forums.
Ignore the Community
* You were elected, therefore everything you think is what the community wants. Don’t seek feedback, just do it, and if they complain call them apathetic jerks and ignore them even more. If any of these people applies for any CG job, don’t even read their application and refuse to hire them after they interview, after all they criticized CG and therefore they aren’t looking at the community’s best interests.
* If ComCil tells you to do something that you don’t want to do, delegate it to an ACM who is too busy already, and then blame them when ComCil asks why nothing happened. After all, you’re too busy to do anything else anyways and they work for you.
Swing your weight around
* Open the C-shop on off hours and give food to your friends, after all CG pays the C-Shop and you’re in charge of CG. What’s a candy bar and a soda a day going to do anyways?, plus if the C-shop manager complains threaten to take away some of their FWSP’s or van privileges.
* Go play on the Record computers during their staff meetings. When they complain say its work for ComCil and that ComCil is the publisher therefore you are a priority for the computer use. Read the Record articles off the computer night before it comes out and if you disagree with anything say it’s against the interests of ComCil and demand the editors remove it. Better yet, write a response and demand they include it in the same issue. If they don’t then insert snide remarks in the text just before they print it and then deny it the next morning when they notice it after it gets back from the printers.
* Find a really sleazy non-community member and grant them a guest community government ID card. Invite them to all the dances & events.
* Find an issue on something that you and the President or the Dean of Students disagree on. Publically attack either or both of these whenever possible and write letters in the Record or make announcements in Community Meeting attacking them. When they confront you, demand they agree to whatever your point is and refuse to sway. Get all the students to rally and clog up ADCIL and other meetings so all they talk about is your issue. Or better yet, take over main building and hold your breath until you pass out…that’ll show em’.
* Use your master keys to check out all the goodies in the LGBC, TWA and Womyn’s Center offices (especially if you’re male). If they have any good furniture, move it into CG, after all, CG owns it anyways.
* Use the CM discretionary funds to buy totally useless items for the community such as 10 huge tarps that get used once then end up taking up space for the next year or two. Claim it was for the community’s best interests.
* Organize a huge Anarchist conference on the golf course. Convince everyone that it will be really cool and safe. When the conference actually arrives only do half the things you promised, slack on security and invite participants to hang around after the conference is over. When people get upset, claim they just don’t understand the anarchist youth of today and they are oppressing free speech.
* If anyone is organizing an event and needs equipment, refuse to give it to them, even if its available. Tell them they were supposed to sign forms in triplicate three weeks ago and that they need a training authorization form. When they get upset make them agree to owe you a big favor peronally, then get the equipment for them. Collect on these favors immediately in obnoxious ways.
Deal With Each Other In The Worst Way Possible
* Have ambigous job descriptions so FWSP’s and community members remain confused about who should do what. If people want to check what their positions should entail, don’t hold a staff discussion to divide responsibilities fairly. Rely instead on the Leg Code and follow it verbatim. Remember, if it doesn’t specifically say its your responsibility, it isn’t.
* Tedious jobs should be saved for the elite few. Assign the same
shitwork to the same people, especially women and new ACMs & FWSPs. That way they’ll burn out faster and create more staff dissention.
* Sign various CG FWSPs timeslips instead of the CM thats keeping track of the hours. Be sure to lose the office copy (and the occasional Pink one). If anyone asks you why you signed it without checking with them just say “Well like FWSP is indentured servitude and I don’t want to perpetuate that system, so I just gave them all their hours.” Tell this to the FWSP person in Financial Aid repeatedly.
* If you have too many responsibilities, don’t delegate anything. Other aren’t bright enough anyway. Convince yourself you are a martyr and complain a lot, even though you are so burned out you’re not getting the work done anyway. Complain to ComCil that they need to hire more ACMs to spread the workload. When ComCil doesn’t create more positions, you can feel justified in the fact that you tried to warn them, and since they didn’t listen, you don’t have to do as much work (since they obviously don’t exepct you to).
* When you’re in a bad mood, deny your feelings. Repress them by transposing your anger onto someone else. Put the blame on some poor sucker and yell at them. If they yell back, take them to CSB.
Polarize The Staff Into Cliques
* Be antagonistic. Put labels on other other workers & offices, such as “the dumb C-Shop manager,” “the whiny Record Editors,” “the computer nerds,” “the greedy Independant Group people.”
* Once you’ve labeled people, it’s easier to rationalize their behavior to fit the negative cliques you’ve created. That way, nothing they do will be judged fairly. That’ll be real fun.
* When thinking or talking about other community members, focus on their more annoying mannerisms and idiosyncrasies.
* Don’t bother about thinking about staff democracy. You are more knowledgeable anyway so your interests should come first. Besides, you were the one elected, so obviously the people want your opinion, not theirs.
* Be sure to hire ACM’s who are very independent but lack sense of direction or common sense. Let them go off on their own with little supervision and yell at them whenever anything goes wrong. Be sure to delegate important tasks such as organizing Div or elections off on them, so when things go wrong everyone can be mad at them.
Have Very Unproductive Staff Meetings
* If possible, don’t show up too regularly at staff meetings. Let two or three people make decisions then complain that you’ve been overlooked, and that damnit, you’re a CM, it’s your office!.
* When people speak during a meeting, interject with humorous quips. They will appreciate your wit.
* When reviewing something, spend a lot of time picking on obvious mistakes so that people will quickly get bored. This is especially helpful in ComCil meetings that have long agendas. Remember, follow the ComCil Leg code verbatim, if anything is vague de-rail the discussion into a debate about that.
* Make meetings redundant by presenting people with accomplished facts only, over and over again. Don’t let others have a say in the way you run things, remember.. you are the CM.. you have the power, not them!
* If other community members complain about something, deny it or trivialize their concerns. After all, if YOU don’t feel there’s a problem, the problem certainly doesn’t exist.
* After someone has made a valid point, repeat the same thing but in your own words. Don’t worry about wasting time. Rephrasing what has already been said show’s your just as smart as the person who first came up with the idea.
* Being misinformed is great because you get to propose unrealistic solutions and turn frustrated when nothing works. You also get to argue unnecessarily during staff meetings.
* When a debate starts, argue against any change to what you proposed. You wouldn’t want to agree if someone else’s ideas also solve the problem. Don’t forget, winning the argument is more important than finding a better solution.
After you’re done
* Say things about your fellow CM’s behind their backs after they leave. Claim that all that went wrong was their fault and that all that went right was yours.
* Stay around in YS and hang with the new CG. Don’t give them any advice or tips, but when something goes wrong, then say ‘HAH! Told You So!’.