UUs are the people who pray, "To whom it may concern....
What do you get when you cross a UU with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who goes door-to-door looking for a discussion.
A guy saves up for years and can finally afford a Mercedes with all the options. He wants to take care of it in every possible way so he goes to a priest and says, "Father, will you say a blessing over my Mercedes?" The priest says, "I'm sorry, I don't understand--what's a Mercedes?"
So he goes to a rabbi. Same thing: "I'm sorry--what's a Mercedes?"
So then he goes to a UU minister and says "Would you be willing to say a blessing over my Mercedes?" and the UU minister says, "I'm sorry, I don't understand--what's a blessing?"
Three Unitarian-Universalists arrive at the Pearly Gates, much to their own surprise and that of St. Peter, who upon checking his records realizes that these three people have led fully exemplary lives, they aren't Christian, and Heaven is only for Christians, and they shouldn't be up here in the first place.
But it's a slow day, and St. Peter is in a good mood. So he offers them a deal: "I'm going to ask each of you a question, and if you answer correctly, I'll let you into heaven. But if you get it wrong, to Hell with you." They figure this is as good a deal as they're likely to get, and so Peter asks the first one, "Explain the meaning of Easter.." The guy scratches his head, and says "Isn't that where there's a fat guy in a red suit with reindeer, and you get presents, and-- AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!" as St. Peter pushes the big red button and the poor fellow is hurled into the pits of Hell.
So Peter asks the second one the same question. She looks confused and then says, "Um, yeah, you've got this bunny hpping around hiding eggs under bushes, and-- AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!" as Peter hits the button again and she's cast down to the place of eternal damnation.
The third UU comes up and Peter asks him the same question. He's prepared for this, however- he took a Comparative Religions course through the RE department at his church, and he knows his stuff. "OK, Jesus was arrested in Gethsemane after Judas betrayed him, he was hauled before Pilate and sentenced to death, he was crucified on the Mount of Calvary and buried in a tomb with a rock rolled in front of the door--" Peter's relaxing, he's going to get to let someone in today, he's already reaching for the green button-- "and if he comes out and sees his shadow, there'll be six more weeks of winter, but-- AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!"
Why can't UUs sing very well in choirs? Because they're always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next verse. =================================================================
What's the difference between a Universalist and a Unitarian?
Universalists think God is too good to send them to hell. Unitarians think they are too good for God to send them to hell. =================================================================
What do you get if you cross a Seventh-Day Adventist and an agnostic?
Some one who knocks on your door at 8:00 AM on a Saturday and has no idea why.
A UU family moves into a new neighborhood. Their little girl finds a new playmate, and they are happily getting to know each other. One day, the playmate says, "We're Episcopalians, what are you?"
The UU child thinks for a minute and says, "I'm not sure, but I think we're League of Women Voters."
"Gods Rest Ye, Unitarians" (UU Version)
Gods rest ye, Unitarians, let nothing you dismay; Remember there's no evidence there was a Christmas Day; When Christ was born is just not known, no matter what they say, O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact, Glad tidings of reason and fact.
Our current Christmas Customs come from Persia and from Greece, >From solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East. This whole darn Christmas spiel is just another pagan feast, O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact, Glad tidings of reason and fact.
There was no star of Bethlehem, there was no angels' song; There could not have been wise men for the trip would take too long. The stories in the Bible are historically wrong, O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact, Glad tidings of reason and fact! =================================================================