Matt’s Thoughts

I paint what I see.
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17
Nov

Thanksgiving & “Uncle Dave’s Grace”

After having a short discussion tonight about the ‘real’ history of Thanksgiving and pilgrims (search for ‘Thanksgiving Myth’ if you really want to know), Emily said ‘Thanks for ruining another holiday’ and the following song came to mind.

Uncle Dave’s Grace

lyrics by Peter Berryman, music by Lou Berryman

on their House Concert CD (www.louandpeter.com/house.html)

“We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing” Thanksgiving day, Uncle Dave was our guest

He reads the Progressive which makes him depressed

We asked Uncle Dave if he’d like to say grace,

A dark desolation crept over his face

“Thanks,” he began as he gazed at his knife,

“To poor Mr. Turkey for living his life

All crowded and cramped in a great metal shed

Where life was a drag then they cut off his head”

“Thanks,” he went on, “for the grapes in my wine

Picked by sick women of seventy-nine

Scrambling all morning for bunch after bunch

Then brushing the pesticides off of their lunch

Thanks for the stuffing all heaped on my fork

Shiny with sausage descended from pork

I think of the trucks full of full of pigs that I see

And can’t help imagine what they think of me”

Continuing, “I’d like to thank if you please

Our salad bowl hacked out of tropical trees

And for this mahogany table and chair

We thank all the jungles that used to be there

For cream in our coffee and milk in our mugs,

We thank all the cows full of hormones and drugs

Whose calves are removed at a very young age

And force-fed as veal in a minuscule cage”

“Oh thanks for the furnace that heats up these rooms

And thanks for the rich fossil fuel it consumes

Corrupting the atmosphere ounce after ounce

But we’re warm and toasty and that is what counts

I’m grateful,” he said, “for these clothes on my back

Lovely and comfy and cheap off the rack

Fashioned in warehouses noisy and cold

In China by seamstresses seven years old”

“And thanks for my silverware setting that shines

In memory of miners who died in the mines

Worn down by the shovelling of tailings in piles

Whose runoff destroys all the rivers for miles

We thank the reactors for our chandelier

Although the plutonium won’t disappear

For hundreds of decades it still will be there

But a few more Chernobyls and who’s gonna care?”

Sighed Uncle Dave, “though there’s more to be told

The wine’s getting warm and the bird’s getting cold”

And with that he sat down as he mumbled again

“Thank you for everything, amen”

We felt so guilty when he was all thru

It seemed there was one of two things we could do

Live without food, in the nude, in a cave,

Or next year have someone say grace besides Dave.

31
Oct

Halloween dinner 2008

Ever have one of those ‘I think I might be living in a sitcom’ moments?

Emily:

  • We have 2 bowls of candy and it’s crazy trying to keep Owen and Marshall out of them so I hide one in oven when they aren’t looking.
  • Owen is home from school and wants to ’sort’ the candy we are giving out.
  • He’s tired and eventually falls asleep in our bed.
  • Matt’s not home when he said he would be (surprise) but that’s ok, I’ll let Owen nap more.
  • 5:20 PM - Matt gets home (finally) and I go to wake Owen up while Matt watches Marshall and starts making dinner. Owen, as per usual, does NOT wake up well and 15 minutes of de-grumpify-ing negotiations begins.

Matt:

  • Drive home sucked. Home about 40 minutes later than planned, traffic on water street backed up for a long way and moving at a snails pace because of parade (and idiotic Ellsworth traffic patterns that favor businesses and tourists over residents). It’s also the 2 year anniversary of the night I killed our Saturn in an accident so I’m extra on-edge… no more accidents.. especially on Halloween.
  • I’m in charge of dinner tonight so I enter the house in a rush.
  • Em mentions Owen is asleep upstairs and goes to wake him.
  • Double check that we are still doing dinner BEFORE trick-or-treating and then begin.
  • Luckily it’s a simple dinner tonight, frozen pizzas.
  • Get pizzas
  • Unbox. .
  • Find baking pan
  • Pre-heat to 425
  • Set table places
  • Cook the french bread cheese pizzas in microwave for 2 minutes first
  • Put all pizzas on baking pan… they barely all fit but it works..sweet.
  • Ahh… pre-heating done, check that Marshall is far away from kitchen area and with one hand on baking pan, open oven with other hand.
  • Start putting baking pan in oven and notice big metal bowl is in there… that’s strange.. what was Emily cooking ?? Wait.. it’s another candy bowl? In the OVEN???
  • Scream ‘AIGH!! EMILLLLLLY!!!’
  • Emily yells down ‘SORRY!’.
  • First instinct - Grab the bowl with my free hand to get it out of there ASAP
  • Ouch! Bowl is metal and has been pre-heated to 425 degrees. %&$#@!

Luckily, we had 2 bowls of candy and we only get a few kids so we’re ok. Also luckily the worst that happened is some candy bars got a little mushy and the plastic ‘Brach’s’ candy corner bag that was on the top has shrunk wrap itself sealed. A few more minutes and we would have had a chocolate & plastic stew.

05
Oct

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, And Nobody

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

– Author unknown

Thanks to Tim O for posting this on facebook. I’d heard it before but had forgotten about it.

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